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Here we share our spirits in poetry or freestyle writing. While at times we fly low, we also soar. click here to play ENYA-Willows On The Water |
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Quote of the month: Anais Nin "Mans language is that displacement from the personal to the impersonal, but this is another form of self-deception. The self in them is disguised, it is not absent as they believe."
Victoria
I love showing off my little girl to everyone - she really is my angel! When I am going through a rough time, I just hold her tight and she seems to know that I need her comfort - she just looks up at me with those big blue eyes and I melt!
Posted by Melanie (MIMIKAY)
I used to love Roller Coasters!
I can still remember the thrill of the wind rushing past your face, the way your heart gives a lurch with each turn, and loop de loops. How the adrenaline gets to pumping and you cant hold in the primal urge to scream from the pure emotion of it all. <smile> ahhh I used to LOVE roller coasters!
But this roller coaster ride I am now on, it puts all the others to shame. I thought the rides of my youth were scary, but I can honestly say, absolutely nothing can possibly compare to the roller coasters of real life.
Oh how I would give my very soul to spare my daughter this roller coaster ride she is now riding upon. At the age of 15 she should be out enjoying life. She should be so full of life.
Let me back up and introduce you to my beautiful daughter. She is a gentle soul, a type of person who would do anything for anyone. She feels the hurt of others, takes their pain on as her own.
All her life she has had different illnesses, colds, asthma, upper respiratory, etc. And looking back now, I can see that depression was always there, in the background. Sometimes letting us have a fleeting look before retreating back in. But this year, these past few months, has bought a change in everything.
I dont know if we will ever truly know what the impact was from the attacks in New York 9-11. I do know it was certainly a lot more wide spread than many believe.
That day the kids in school were made to watch the news coverage over and over and over again. It never dawned on the teachers here in this small community that there might have been some children who really could not handle the images they were being shown. Now dont get me wrong, I do believe the kids of this generation need to know and understand the implications of whats happened. After all, this is their world and one day we will be handing the running of it into their hands. But there is a right way, and a wrong way to have handled this.
That night my daughter couldnt sleep, she sat on the couch with me crying. Every time she closed her eyes she saw the plane once more hitting the building, she saw the people jumping, and perhaps more disturbing than anything else, her heart was crying out for the people buried in all that rubble. It truly was too much for her to bear.
Sometimes I wonder about the insensitivity of some people. My daughter returned to school the next day only to have a teacher point out that the amount of body bags needed in NYC would not even come close to comparing with the number of body bags we are going to need to bring our fathers, brothers, loved ones home from the war America will be getting into.
And thus our personal roller coaster here at home began. My daughter got sick that day and she still hasnt recovered. She had pneumonia, bronchitis, asthma, ear infections, bladder infection. Add mono to that list, all within a month of the attacks. Her depression escalated, and she developed a real anxiety of going to school. And she started self-injuring. It only happened twice, but twice was more than enough.
Often for no apparent reason she would break down in tears. We would sit while I cradled her and let her cry. Then other days she would be excessively happy, bouncing off the walls even. Oh no, I do not like roller coasters anymore!
She is now in therapy, and seeing a Pdoc as well. Plus I have taken her from school and am home schooling her. She will have a few days where she seems to be doing OK, then suddenly BOOM! The bottom drops out and the ride starts all over again.
I would take this from her in a heartbeat. But all I can do is stand on the side lines, hold her when she needs to be held, encourage her when she needs encouragement, and love her with all my heart.
Bipolar! The roller coaster ride no one should have to take Sanityseeker:
come and walk with me
...take my hand.
into an uncharted territory,
a "no man's" land.
enter the darkness
...if u dare.
you say this is what u want,
that you *really care*.
what is that u anticipate,
what do u expect to find?
an answer to ur questions,
problems that can be defined?
*shine a light...
open up and let u in...*
the things u say,
i can't help but grin.
how do i explain to u
that i haven't shut u out?
that this void and darkness
is what i had warned you about.
you wander around in the darkness,
lost and confused.
you look to me for answers,
wondering why i am amused.
go ahead and analize me,
tell me what u think.
look deep into my eyes,
i wont even blink.
what no theory,
not even a guess?
you haven't come to a conclusion,
you cant sort out this mess?
it's really quite simple,
in its own complicated way.
my mind is my means of survival,
to cope with the past and present day.
the darkness surrounds me,
it comforts my fear.
there is no reason to be afraid,
as long as u don't know the demons are near.
the void is my protection,
thru which nothing may come or go.
nothing to remember,
...nothing to know.
i could tell you how this world can be a blessing,
if one wishes to allow it...
but if you choose not to accept it,
lets simply not talk about it.
Georgie:
Two people in me
One whom clients love and respond
The other, colleagues despise
How is it I get a hug of thanks
then see derision in other staff's eyes
Clients send flowers, notes of thanks
colleagues yawn in my face
why is it my best efforts for some
are to others just a disgrace?
Perhaps it's an exposure thing
Clients see me for an hour
If they worked with me all day
Then I'd see their glower.
Limited exposure to people
appears to be the key
say my piece and run away
before they find real me
The mask is all
The mask indeed
what is behind the mask?
Don't let them see
they get to me
the mask, the mask, the mask.
Chris/Emettman
Like Mother Hubbard
I have a bare cupboard
A definite need to re-stock
But am I wasting my time,
In stores or on-line?
I seem to have come to a stop.
An unheard of task, when I merely ask,
The assistants they can't really cope.
But where *does* one go shopping for...
Hope?
-------
Back at the cupboard,
Beyond Mother Hubbard
From emptiness I pull
Next day's meal.
It doesn't have much taste.
Merry Christmas to you all
Sorry we all won't be decking the hall
Christmas is a time for cheer
Yet, for some they shed a tear
It isn't important to have a tree
It is important to be
A new year is coming soon
So, send your pain to the moon
We all have special dreams
and being patient gives us screams
Sometimes having bipolar really is tough
Sometimes it makes us even look rough
We have to try so hard to do our best
We always have to have our rest
I Hope all of you have a day to enjoy
Just stay away from those who annoy
I was reading some of the posts
It is great there are so many hosts
I love to come and share
Please know that I care
If I could give you all a gift
It would be to give your heart a lift.
written by Connie G this day of December 13,2001
BUTTERFLYME:
My Friend-
Life is full of ups and downs
Smiles and laughter, tears and frowns.
But with all life's changes its good to know
That I have a friend, to whom I can go.
And no matter how hurt that I have been
You always remind me that I have a friend.
My life has been blessed because of you,
Your loving ways, and all that you do.
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No one can hear my sorrows
or can shed my useless tears
No one can heal the ache inside
and take away my fears.
There are thoughts I cant deny
and feelings unexplained
emotions deep inside me
that always will remain
within I see tomorrow
and recall my former days
the world and its distruction
gayless thoughts of yesterday
I know each day Im dying
though I patiently wait
but soon or maybe later
I will suffer through my fate
my mind is left distorted
though I seek serinity
my thoughts are stuck within me
driven to insanity
within I see tomorrow
and recall my former years
the future's revelation
my agony and fears
I see my furility
and the end at my decease
awaiting my destiny
to set my emotions free
----
By: Carlita
Sunflowers Journey
by dreamweaver, 15 November 2001.
We are our own worse critics. Take the sunflower for instance....
Have you ever seen sunflowers in their different seasons?
There's the planting time, when they are placed in that rich soil full of anticipation. If a seed could think, this is what I imagine it would of said/thought.
"What do you think you are doing to me?" It would be asking as it is placed in the ground.
But then the rain gently waters the ground, and as the seed takes in nourishment it begins to grow. Imagine what it felt when it first poked through and saw/felt sunlight. Spring, oh what a joy! A time of healing, of renewing the heart. And even though that seed was happy to see the sun, it still wondered what now? Is this all?
As spring turns to summer it continues to grow, until it has these flower buds on it. The seed is wondering, what can this be?? And for the first time it looks around and notices it is not alone, there are hundreds others there too, wondering the same thing. Oh what a joy to find it is not alone. (And you know, we are not alone either, my friends.)
Soon the flower blooms, and suddenly this field turns into a sea of yellow. Its gorgeous. All of the flowers shining together. Swaying in the breeze as if in unison. The song is the wind, and they are in tune. (Our song is within our hearts, and we.. too.. are in tune.)
But then the unthinkable happens, the sunflower loses its shine. Suddenly its bright yellow fades and dark seeds take their place. The flower hangs its head, defeated. Feeling its been forgotten. Not happy with the fate thats befallen it, wanting to fight the world. It is no longer swaying with the music, nor able to face the others in its bitterness. It just sits there with its head bowed low. Too heavy is its burden.
Sometimes life appears that way to us. Bleak, bitter, but wait.... see what happens next. At times when we think all is lost and we give up all hope, a miracle will happen and we will waken again.
It's fall, and the flower is getting cold. It wishes it could be warm. Suddenly it hears footsteps. It's the farmer coming to check his fields. The sunflower trembles, afraid of what he will say about its sad shape, he lifts the flowers head in his gentle yet work worn hand and smiles. He is impressed at the amount of seeds it will bear. And for the first time the sunflower looks around to see all of the others were just like it.
It's harvest time, and the little flower finally understands it must go. But it also knows that because of it, there will continue to be seas of yellow.
Sue:
no where i turn do i find anything to compare your love to.
nothing in which i do, do i find peace like the peace you offer to me.
no more tears will fall from these eyes for any of the reasons they fell before.
no touch i have ever felt comforts as warmly as that of your hand.
no more time is wasted when i am spending it with you.
no matter what my thoughts are of, they are distracted with some of you.
in the back of my mind, i believe i have always had a memory of a vision of this.
a vision of being held this way, laughing this way, and breathing this way.
from top to bottom and back up again i picked it apart and diluted every concentrated thought.
still i come out with an armful of reasons why this is worth the chance.
i am made up of so many different things that usually confuse me alone.
but i need to know this feeling.
i need to tasted this kind, this time.
so that we can have this chance for love we know we both deserve.
here we have found ourselves, in each other. Sanityseeker Voices in the Darkness
Voices in the darkness
Blinding like a light,
Takeover my body's defenses
Like a plague or a plight.
The voices echo in the darkness
From dusk till dawn,
Even as the sun shines bright
They still are not gone.
They harbor in the darkness
Whose source I could never find.
One day I realized the darkness
Is from the depths of my mind.
Inaudible to all those around me,
... the voices they can not hear.
Shouting at me profoundly,
... the voices to me are very near.
Feeding me with temptations
Promises of happiness they speak,
Each growing stronger
As I grow weak.
Freedom of exhaustion,
And a life that has been unfair.
A release from the pain and sorrow,
... should I dare.
Itchy "we often can see things so clearly when helping
others or just supporting them but we never seem to
be able to get through the fog when it comes to
ourselves. "
Eeyore68 (MARILYNBUNNY) Who Am I today?
Which "me" am I today?
Will depression come to call....
or will mania be it's name?
I never know which "me" I will get.
How can I ever trust.....
believe.....
or rely....on the Me I am inside.
I'm crying...I'm laughing...
I'm irritable inside.
I hate this illness so much...
it makes me want to say "Good-bye".
I look in the mirror...
what do I see?
I do not know.....
Who is really Me?
Up and down and back up again.
All the while pain has me in it's grip.
My mind.....I'm losing it...
I'll never come back.
Just one of the cruel tricks it plays....
making me beckon again...
"Who am I today"?
My heart aches, my mind races, my thoughts are
jumbled and senseless.
To and fro, round and round, and back again.
I have to know if I will ever win.
Will it ever end?
~Sheryl~
Sue (gypsyblu1)
why does the darkness
always win over light?
why does it crumple
all i can fight?
why do i wonder
about yesterday?
what if? how come?
what did i say?
i miss every rainbow,
I waste every tear
at midnight on new years
i'll be chugging a beer
to hell with the enemy
that lives in my brain
what does it know
about a cure for my pain?
i asked santa for silence
and God for a heart
i wished on a star
for a new start
instead i got noise
and a prayer sent back
my star was a plane
and it crashed on the track
i'm falling so deep
i'm now on my knees
i'm bowing my head
and you're saying please
i can't give you love
i can't even say it
i'm stained with fear
and the fear is in bits
when will you dump me
to fight for myself?
where will you build me
my very own cell?
i'm closing my eyes
i'm locking my lids
i don't want you
to see what i have hid
you're out of my sight
you're still in my head
i will love you like this
until I am dead | | | |
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sadness is like a storm... a storm that seems such reality to you... the lightening that flashes brings bad memories to your soul.. the thunder that rumbles brings the hard beatings of anxety in your chest.. and the rain.... there can never be a storm without rain. sometimes the rain is pooring sometimes not... but what can you do? one cant stop nature from being? one cant stop nature from taking its course. the laws of nature our binding. before we live. through our life and after we die. but some say the say the sun will shine. the sun will amerse and will brighten up the day... the rain will cease to fall.. no lightening... but sadness is still there...
because it is when those sunny times are there it is only in the eye of the huricane.
by carlita LuvNMom:
Alone
Sitting here all alone,
with these hopeless feelings.
I have no where to go,
I don't know what to do.
I begin to wonder,
if this is worth the fight.
I feel so sad and angry,
with no end in sight.
You can only take so much,
you see.
Sometimes it is harder,
than it may seem.
I know that God
is here with me now.
I can't be alone,
for I am too scared and weak.
As I watch my children grow,
I can't help but wonder,
why can't I feel this happiness,
why can't I let this go?
This never ending battle,
is taking over me
The long dark tunnel,
will never let me free.
There is no end in sight,
and I just feel so empty.
So worthless in my life,
as I begin to shake with fright.
I recite what I would say,
if the day would ever come,
for me to go away,
should I go or show I stay?
The beauty of the day,
so slowly growing dark.
My thoughts are so evil,
all I can do is pray.
I will just keep going,
and will just keep in mind,
that my day is to come,
when my life will be glowing.
There is so much beauty to see,
it will better each day,
The dark shall turn into light,
and I too will smile with thee.
---I wrote this poem when my son was about 5 months old and I couldn't enjoy the beauty of parenthood. It was the deepest depression I had ever been in and hope to never seen again.
Kandice
MARC Someone very special once told me... Find something good in your day, even if your having the worst day in your life, and hold it, hold it so close to your heart that the rest seems immaterial. I live by that statement, I don't think I'd be here writing this now if I was never told that.
This is something that when I'm having a bad day I'll think of and smile on the inside. I can see myself someday in a miserable atmosphere (like dealing with Motor Vehicles) and everyone's miserable , including me, and this day pops in my mind...I"ll smile. To me that's a kindred spirit. Sanityseeker: "Maybe Tomorrow"
Two words of promise,
Two words of hope,
Can send small dreams
Down a spiraling slope.
Two words
Can bring forth
Happiness and sorrow.
Two words as simple as,
"Maybe Tomorrow".
At night I lay there
And silently weep,
At night she comes to me,
Before falling asleep.
Only a few minutes of my time
She wishes to borrow,
"Mommy tell me a story"
"Not tonight hon...
maybe tomorrow".
Once again I have slept thru the day,
Once again my child is ready to play.
"Mommy can we go to the park?"
"Not tonight sweetie...
it's already dark".
"I'll be a good girl Mommy,
when can we go?"
"I don't know baby,
maybe tomorrow".
She sees children outside
Playing and having fun,
While she sits inside sad,
Wishing she was one.
She sits and stares
With her face to the window;
"Can we go outside too Mommy...
maybe tomorrow?"
"Lets play Mommy,
you hide and I'll seek"
"Not now honey,
I really want to sleep".
As I lay my head on the pillow,
I whisper to her,
"I'm sorry...
maybe tomorrow".
My little girl comes to me
And taps on my shoulder,
Her lil head filled with
Those two words so many times
I have told her.
"Mommy there is just one thing
I really want to know.
When will it ever be...
Tomorrow?"
Goodheart
Unfortunately, there's bad apples in every barrel. The world is such a beautiful place...too bad about the people that seem to delight in making it evil.
Don't let them get you down. Their rudeness, ignorance, hatred, whatever you want to call it is thier problem, not yours. Don't let them steal your energy. When you allow your anger or pain to consume you, you are still letting them control you, even in thier absence.
What goes around, comes around, and know that they will get back tenfold what they send out.
Con Yes, I did type as I went
It was worth the time spent
Sometimes I write to vent
or other times to repent
and not only just at lent
Words are heaven sent
and I am hell bent
and I have made a dent
I want others to relent
and know what I meant Chris (EMETTMAN) WHEN
When you're on the highest dosage
And it isn't half enough,
When your nights are torn and twisted with the pain,
When the sleep you get is really rather futile
For it only brings the nightmares once again.
When a day of aching struggle
Wins another just the same,
When you need someone to talk to
But your friends have had their fill.
When the doctor knows the problem but cannot cure the ill
When your faith lies dead and broken
And all others seem as frail,
When crying does no good and you're just too tired to scream
When hope is never present and pleasure rarely seen
When the happiness of others gives the painful contrast one more time
When the hollowness inside is sounding like a drum
When love and laughter have finally fled
Then, just then,
You'll be close to the place where I dwell
It's a place you might call hell.
-----
My own work, with apologies to Rudyard Kipling.
Chris Brown (Emettman)
GYPSYBLU1 you invade me, and disturb all of my beings
you twist what i'm hearing, and blur what i'm seeing
you mess with my thoughts and toy with my time
you push me too far, and you force me to rhyme
you tell me i'm odd and you make my head race
you offer no alternative but to keep up the pace
you throw many stones when i take a path of my own
you show off your power and run the track every hour
i climb inside me for a quick chance to breathe
i need to lay down and watch my life seize
i'm crippled in ways the others can't hold
i will shiver in heat and sweat in the cold
i say what is written in the hand of disease
i wear what it is i feel, like my heart on my sleeve
i need not no pity, just a single free ear
i'm waiting for nothing, i'm simply just here GEOLINE:
motion sickness, body rides
turbulent waves of nausea
when eyes do not pay
attention to the bumpy journey
emotion sickness, mind rides
turbulent waves of confusion
when the heart does not pay
attention to the bumpy journey
logical conclusion
2 logical confusion
STARRY:
So much anger built up inside
Where do you let it go
When your wounded heart's
lost all of its pride
It was all your own doing
you can't place it on anybody else
does it really matter now
when there's so little left of you
Just the same old expectations from them
And you hate them
Because there's nothing else left to feel
There is no teasing in a genuine putdown
no matter how subtle the words used
You didn't find it very funny
when you were young and he stumbled around drunk
When he grabbed your legs with one big hand
and smacked you hard with the other
so you cried yourself to sleep again
your stomach empty, no dinner
Listened to him complain about his sore hand
as he greeted your loving mother
Nothing in your world was right those days
But you were too little to see it
It's only now when you look back
that the hatred comes round full circle
There is no dependence anymore
as you can't stand to see his face
Left with the questions you'll never understand
Like why did your mother love him more than you
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Forgiveness
by dreamweaver, 5th November 2001.
When we think of forgivenes, we think of it in terms of forgiving others. I challenge you to consider, what does forgiving others do for you?
Is forgiveness as simple as some would have us think. I used to think not but now looking back I wonder.
It certainly is simpler than carrying the grudges, and allowing them to weigh us down.
It is certainly easier than that feeling of bitterness that encompasses us, and affects everything we do in our lives.
I dont think forgiveness is a one time thing, nor do I believe that it is strictly for the benefit of the transgressor.
To forgive is to free yourself even more so. Often the transgressor has no desire to be forgiven. In fact they often do not know that they have offended. And if you tried to explain the offense chances are they would not understand. We are all so different, each unique in our own way. We come from so many backgrounds etc. that what we may consider a major wrong, others will see as normal every day life.
So when we talk about forgiveness, lets talk about it in terms of us. Thats what truly matters after all. Even if we forgive today, and let it go. The chances are, at some other point in our life, something will come up to remind us. At those times it is important to stop and once again forgive. And in doing so I think you will find that it comes easier and easier, until one day you will realize it truly is forgiven for good.
If we dont, however, try to forgive in the first place, we are allowing those anger, bitter, resentful feelings to control our lives. We lose so much of who we are when we allow that to happen. I know, I speak from personal knowledge. When we do this, hold our grudges, keep our hurts bottled up within, we are proclaiming the transgressor as winner.
What a waste of a perfectly good day to spend it in the past. The saying, yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is a gift thats why its called the present really isnt as profound a saying as one would think..
It really is that easy. We cant change yesterday, so take the lessons we were meant to learn and get on with living today.
Should we stumble, should we fall, and once more become embraced by that past hurt, then it only means we are human, thats OK. Just remember at one point to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and set your sites forward once more. Lord knows I have fallen more than my share of times. Its those falls that ultimately teach us how to live.
We all have a choice in how we will live, you know. We can chose to be bitter, to be angry to be consumed in despair.. Or we can chose to look for the blessings in our lives, to live in joy, to focus on the positive in our lives. Its there you know, all around you are positives. You just have to open your heart to see.
So many times in my life I lost site of these treasures. I have let anger control my life, bitterness, jealousy, and deep hurts that I thought would never heal.
I was wrong, so very wrong. That was no way to live at all. For the past week I have been deep in learning this lesson, in more ways than I can even begin to tell you. But today I am once more picking myself up, brushing myself off, and setting my sites forward. And ya know what, life does look so much better from this angle..
MICMAOZ
Trying to find the bridge,
the bridge between the sky and clouds up high and the deep dark sea down bellow.
When I swim in that sea, the world around me would just disappear
I don`t even care that my loved ones are near
All I want is to drown my sadness in that darkness
To feel anything but depressed...even go back to the madness.
When I`m high- up in the sky, I find a cloud on which I sit
Watching the fireworks, the colors...loving the way the sky is lit.
New ideas keep coming up and I become much more active,
All of a sudden I can draw again, write a poem and once again be creative.
But then I drop in a free-fall back into these familiar dark waters
and again nothing...just nothing really matters
All I want is to be by myself- have everyone just go away,
then I can stop feeling guilty for staying in bed all day.
Sometimes being up high isn`t so fun,
Sometimes I feel out of control and I can`t neither hide nor run.
It's when everything annoys me, I feel nervous and 'edgy'...
it's when I`m agitated and very very angry...
I can`t stop moving my legs or my hand,
I can`t be patient and I can`t concentrate;
I punch the wall behind my bed,
I pick on my skin until it`s all red;
I`m energized but everything is irritating
and during all this time my thoughts just keep racing...
And then again the edginess stops,
and I have, once again, one of these long drops
Back to the cold sea, back to the darkness,
Back to depression straight from the madness.
So here I am looking for the bridge that will straighten the 'line':
No more flying up high, no more free-falls,
no more watching fireworks in a colorful sky and not even one more of those long scary drops...
Just to have a regular life with the man I love and those wonderful kids of mine!
Will I ever find that bridge?
Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks, masks that I'm afraid to take off, and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature to me, but don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.
I Give the impression that I'm secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
Please.
My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask, my ever - serving and ever - concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath lies the real me, in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anyone to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear of being exposed,
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant, sophisticated facade, to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is my salvation.
And I know it.
That is if its followed by acceptance, if its followed by love.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself, that I am really worth something.
But I don't tell you this, I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh at me, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing, that I'm no good, and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desparate pretending game, with a facade of assurance without, and a trembling child within.
And so begins the parade of masks.
And my life becomes a front. I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk. I tell you everything that is really nothing.
So when I go through my routine, do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, what I'd like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say, but what I can't say, I dislike hiding.
Honestly.
I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the phony game.
I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me, buy you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand, even when that's the last thing I seem to want or need.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of breathing death.
Only you can call me to aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentil, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.
With your sensitivity and sympathy and power of understanding you can breath life into me. I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be a creator of the person that is me if you choose to do so.
Please choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble, you alone can remove my mask.
You alone can release me from my shadow - world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely prison.
So do not pass me by.
Please do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I strike back. It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man, I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for. But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls, and in this lies my hope.
My only hope.
Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentil hands - for a child is very sensitive
~ Unknown Author
Sanityseeker:
CAN YOU HEAR ME???!!!
...I call into the night,
CaN YoU HeAr Me?
...My voice trembling with fright.
Can You Hear Me,
Am I out here all alone?
Can you hear me?
I am lost and can't find my way back home.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
...I have cried so many times.
Can you hear me?
...I am a prisoner of my own mind.
Can you hear me,
I CAN'T BREAK FREE!
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
...I sit and wait helplessly.
Can you hear me,
I need your HELP!
Can You Hear Me?
..I can't live this life I was dealt.
CAN YOU HEAR ME???
...Why does no one respond?
Can you HEAR me,
...Does NO ONE notice I am gone?
Can You Hear Me,
...Is this some kind of test?
CAN YOU HEAR ME...
I AM DOING MY BEST!
Can You Hear Me,
The days are getting harder.
Can You Hear Me,
I can not hang in here much longer!
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
...My world is so bleak,
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
I am getting very weak.
Can you hear me,
No more can I wait.
Can you hear me,
I am ready to meet my fate.
CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
I JUST CAN'T BREAK FREE!!!
CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
I NEED TO BE RELEASED!!!
"Relationships - of all kinds - are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But held too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost. "
-Kaleel Jamison, The Nibble Theory
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